i know that i may look like a desperate psycho ***** to you.. i know that its obvious.. but what right do you have to treat me like this.. if you feel that i am coming on too strong, you could just tell me to back off. why did you have to run away and shut me out like the way you're doing right now??? don't i deserve to know the truth? haven't i be a sport enough to let you see that i can handle it? the way you're doing it right drives me nuts.. do you really wanna make me lose my mind? i can't do anything but think what wrong have i done to you..
kenapa mesti ko buat cmni? aku dh xtau nk buat cmne lg.. aku rs cam aku yg trhegeh2.. knp mesti nk lari cmni? aku try sgt2 nk cover n tahan je smua yg aku rs sbb aku ske bkawan ngan ko.. aku xnk apa2 yg blh rosakkn persahabatn kita.. tp bila ko buat cmni, mmg la aku rs yg ko dh tau.. aku rs yg aku brsalah sgt2.. hati aku sakit sgt.. kot ye pn ko xske, jgn lari cmni leh x? bgtau aku btl2 yg ko sbnrnya nk mainkn aku je.. give me some closure
please.. you, not saying anything and ignoring me is painful.. could you at least mock me in front of your friends.. give that confirmation and closure that i need.. please..
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Accepting other's charity
Is it okay to accept charity from others? Because this, really is my case.
Since I graduated in August, there were some struggles in finding a job on my own. Maybe I was not good enough, maybe I was lazy or just maybe I don't have the luck. Finally, I turn to one of those agencies that help you get a kick start. This particular agency is funded by the government to give training opportunities to fresh grads like me. They collaborate with other companies so we could have experience in the field.
So I was called a couple weeks back for an interview at the agency. There were a few of us - and I was the only senior. The coordinator asked a few questions regarding our field of interest and told us to wait if there are interested companies. A week later, I was called for an interview with a green technology company. The position I interviewed for was Service Engineer. In the first interview, the coordinator and I discussed about my job preferences - engineering was not in the list - so naturally I was shocked to hear about the position. I was so nervous! I even freaked out and called Wasabi before the interview just to calm me down. Thankfully she gave me all these tips on how to compose myself in front of the interviewer. It went okay; but at the end of it, I had this funny feeling of hope and despair.
Early next week, I went to another interview - just in case - for a marketing position. Being the good marketer she is, the interviewer chit-chatted during the session to make me feel comfortable. Then, the engineering question popped up. She asked me why didn't I pursue a job in engineering; whether or not I want to be an engineer. Of course I can't simply say that my grades are so pathetic that factories won't call for even just an interview! So I said what every interviewer wants to hear.
"I want to learn and explore new things so that I can challenge my self."
But that question really had me thinking; is engineering really over for me and do I want to look the other way?
Going to the previous interview had made me think that I still have a tiny bit of hope in the field, despite the pathetic grades and despair. It gave me chilly butterflies all over. Made me realize how bad I want the engineer position!
After a week, I started to feel nervous. So I sent a text to one of the candidates asking for news. When she said that she got her result just few days after the interview, my heart sank. I immediately knew that I failed the position. The disappointment really broke me down. The feeling made me so uneasy that I gathered the courage to send a follow up email to the company as well as the agency. And just a day after I did that, another company called to set up an interview. The person didn't even explain anything about her company or the job description. All she said was she got my resume from the agency and to come for interview the day after. The email she sent me later on contained only the company address and website. Not in the typical call-for-interview email format. I was really puzzled, but my mom said to just give it a try. So I did.
Going to a place you're not familiar with was not easy. On top of that, it was Puchong - even Cyberjaya was not as hard. I was an hour late! Crazy. But still, they welcomed me like an honorable guest. After the initial brief and interview, Mr. Boss criticized me about my grades and explained how it shows my integrity as well as work ethics. He gave a deal lot of lecture about how people with my grades breezed through college and is not serious with our work. But then he also said that the grades do not necessarily be important at all. And how we usually only use up to 5% of our knowledge when it comes to professional life. He asked me about my interest - I naturally talked about how engineering enlightened me - and later said that if I told him otherwise the interview would be over. He told me about this new division in his company that needs lots of RnD and how tough it would be. He wanted new products that could be interfaced with the available software. He said that since I was the only candidate who showed up for the interview, there would only be one person in the team - me. And to wait for a call from the agency.
I obviously saw that this new department was made for people like me. And that the collaboration this company has with the agency made them the black goat for people like me. And the job training I'm about to have is a simple case of charity. Despite all that and the insecurity I feel about being in RnD; I truly am thankful. Although at times before this I hate taking charity from others and be the case of their sympathy, this time, I'm relieved.
Alhamdulillah...
Since I graduated in August, there were some struggles in finding a job on my own. Maybe I was not good enough, maybe I was lazy or just maybe I don't have the luck. Finally, I turn to one of those agencies that help you get a kick start. This particular agency is funded by the government to give training opportunities to fresh grads like me. They collaborate with other companies so we could have experience in the field.
So I was called a couple weeks back for an interview at the agency. There were a few of us - and I was the only senior. The coordinator asked a few questions regarding our field of interest and told us to wait if there are interested companies. A week later, I was called for an interview with a green technology company. The position I interviewed for was Service Engineer. In the first interview, the coordinator and I discussed about my job preferences - engineering was not in the list - so naturally I was shocked to hear about the position. I was so nervous! I even freaked out and called Wasabi before the interview just to calm me down. Thankfully she gave me all these tips on how to compose myself in front of the interviewer. It went okay; but at the end of it, I had this funny feeling of hope and despair.
Early next week, I went to another interview - just in case - for a marketing position. Being the good marketer she is, the interviewer chit-chatted during the session to make me feel comfortable. Then, the engineering question popped up. She asked me why didn't I pursue a job in engineering; whether or not I want to be an engineer. Of course I can't simply say that my grades are so pathetic that factories won't call for even just an interview! So I said what every interviewer wants to hear.
"I want to learn and explore new things so that I can challenge my self."
But that question really had me thinking; is engineering really over for me and do I want to look the other way?
Going to the previous interview had made me think that I still have a tiny bit of hope in the field, despite the pathetic grades and despair. It gave me chilly butterflies all over. Made me realize how bad I want the engineer position!
After a week, I started to feel nervous. So I sent a text to one of the candidates asking for news. When she said that she got her result just few days after the interview, my heart sank. I immediately knew that I failed the position. The disappointment really broke me down. The feeling made me so uneasy that I gathered the courage to send a follow up email to the company as well as the agency. And just a day after I did that, another company called to set up an interview. The person didn't even explain anything about her company or the job description. All she said was she got my resume from the agency and to come for interview the day after. The email she sent me later on contained only the company address and website. Not in the typical call-for-interview email format. I was really puzzled, but my mom said to just give it a try. So I did.
Going to a place you're not familiar with was not easy. On top of that, it was Puchong - even Cyberjaya was not as hard. I was an hour late! Crazy. But still, they welcomed me like an honorable guest. After the initial brief and interview, Mr. Boss criticized me about my grades and explained how it shows my integrity as well as work ethics. He gave a deal lot of lecture about how people with my grades breezed through college and is not serious with our work. But then he also said that the grades do not necessarily be important at all. And how we usually only use up to 5% of our knowledge when it comes to professional life. He asked me about my interest - I naturally talked about how engineering enlightened me - and later said that if I told him otherwise the interview would be over. He told me about this new division in his company that needs lots of RnD and how tough it would be. He wanted new products that could be interfaced with the available software. He said that since I was the only candidate who showed up for the interview, there would only be one person in the team - me. And to wait for a call from the agency.
I obviously saw that this new department was made for people like me. And that the collaboration this company has with the agency made them the black goat for people like me. And the job training I'm about to have is a simple case of charity. Despite all that and the insecurity I feel about being in RnD; I truly am thankful. Although at times before this I hate taking charity from others and be the case of their sympathy, this time, I'm relieved.
Alhamdulillah...
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
If you ask...
I am a responsible person who thrives on team work and self development.
Life is a never ending educational process; and I am eager to learn.
I may not have experience worth mentioning, but I am sure that I can handle pressure confidently while maintaining poise and good communication skills.
Life is a never ending educational process; and I am eager to learn.
I may not have experience worth mentioning, but I am sure that I can handle pressure confidently while maintaining poise and good communication skills.
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