sour arguments rambling

another contradiction post

why do people conflict? is it because they fail to understand each other, expect the other to understand them or just won't try? why does an argument lead to a conflict? would it be possible for people to avoid emotion in this situation? at least a cool head?

people always say that i would try to win arguments by hook or by crook. they say that i would start to raise my voice and hands to state a case. that i would get all emotional if the discussion doesn't go my way. as if i think that i'm always right.

usually, i would get comments like:
"yeah, yeah, you think that you're always right"
"if you want to win so bad, take it!"
"believe your facts, not D facts"

often, when this happen, arguments get conflicting and in the end things got sour. yes sour. i really meant sour.

that is why i would try to avoid arguments when they start to turn serious. primarily because i'm an emotional person. the other reason would be the future effect. when a discussion turns serious, always, people got hurt and angry. always the other party. why? being an emotional person, i always want to stand my point in the most confident way possible to me that it sometimes seems too much for the other party. in such event, i would be so fired up to the point where i may dissed them. i would try so much for them to see my point of view that i may repel their point of view. or maybe they just don't know how to grab my attention. but that would also be my faulty. i just failed to understand their case because they said i was too caught up with my facts....or they failed with theirs??

most of the times, discussions lead to arguments that turn sour. but when ever i tried to leave an argument, people would often question my patience. that i can't keep my head leveled while discussion certain issues. that i can't handle stress or keep my temper. but in the end...

dear that someone who ignores me..

i know that i may look like a desperate psycho ***** to you.. i know that its obvious.. but what right do you have to treat me like this.. if you feel that i am coming on too strong, you could just tell me to back off. why did you have to run away and shut me out like the way you're doing right now??? don't i deserve to know the truth? haven't i be a sport enough to let you see that i can handle it? the way you're doing it right drives me nuts.. do you really wanna make me lose my mind? i can't do anything but think what wrong have i done to you..

kenapa mesti ko buat cmni? aku dh xtau nk buat cmne lg.. aku rs cam aku yg trhegeh2.. knp mesti nk lari cmni? aku try sgt2 nk cover n tahan je smua yg aku rs sbb aku ske bkawan ngan ko.. aku xnk apa2 yg blh rosakkn persahabatn kita.. tp bila ko buat cmni, mmg la aku rs yg ko dh tau.. aku rs yg aku brsalah sgt2.. hati aku sakit sgt.. kot ye pn ko xske, jgn lari cmni leh x? bgtau aku btl2 yg ko sbnrnya nk mainkn aku je.. give me some closure

please.. you, not saying anything and ignoring me is painful.. could you at least mock me in front of your friends.. give that confirmation and closure that i need.. please..

Accepting other's charity

Is it okay to accept charity from others? Because this, really is my case.

Since I graduated in August, there were some struggles in finding a job on my own. Maybe I was not good enough, maybe I was lazy or just maybe I don't have the luck. Finally, I turn to one of those agencies that help you get a kick start. This particular agency is funded by the government to give training opportunities to fresh grads like me. They collaborate with other companies so we could have experience in the field.

So I was called a couple weeks back for an interview at the agency. There were a few of us - and I was the only senior. The coordinator asked a few questions regarding our field of interest and told us to wait if there are interested companies. A week later, I was called for an interview with a green technology company. The position I interviewed for was Service Engineer. In the first interview, the coordinator and I discussed about my job preferences - engineering was not in the list - so naturally I was shocked to hear about the position. I was so nervous! I even freaked out and called Wasabi before the interview just to calm me down. Thankfully she gave me all these tips on how to compose myself in front of the interviewer. It went okay; but at the end of it, I had this funny feeling of hope and despair.

Early next week, I went to another interview - just in case - for a marketing position. Being the good marketer she is, the interviewer chit-chatted during the session to make me feel comfortable. Then, the engineering question popped up. She asked me why didn't I pursue a job in engineering; whether or not I want to be an engineer. Of course I can't simply say that my grades are so pathetic that factories won't call for even just an interview! So I said what every interviewer wants to hear.
"I want to learn and explore new things so that I can challenge my self."
But that question really had me thinking; is engineering really over for me and do I want to look the other way?

Going to the previous interview had made me think that I still have a tiny bit of hope in the field, despite the pathetic grades and despair. It gave me chilly butterflies all over. Made me realize how bad I want the engineer position!

After a week, I started to feel nervous. So I sent a text to one of the candidates asking for news. When she said that she got her result just few days after the interview, my heart sank. I immediately knew that I failed the position. The disappointment really broke me down. The feeling made me so uneasy that I gathered the courage to send a follow up email to the company as well as the agency. And just a day after I did that, another company called to set up an interview. The person didn't even explain anything about her company or the job description. All she said was she got my resume from the agency and to come for interview the day after. The email she sent me later on contained only the company address and website. Not in the typical call-for-interview email format. I was really puzzled, but my mom said to just give it a try. So I did.

Going to a place you're not familiar with was not easy. On top of that, it was Puchong - even Cyberjaya was not as hard. I was an hour late! Crazy. But still, they welcomed me like an honorable guest. After the initial brief and interview, Mr. Boss criticized me about my grades and explained how it shows my integrity as well as work ethics. He gave a deal lot of lecture about how people with my grades breezed through college and is not serious with our work. But then he also said that the grades do not necessarily be important at all. And how we usually only use up to 5% of our knowledge when it comes to professional life. He asked me about my interest - I naturally talked about how engineering enlightened me - and later said that if I told him otherwise the interview would be over. He told me about this new division in his company that needs lots of RnD and how tough it would be. He wanted new products that could be interfaced with the available software. He said that since I was the only candidate who showed up for the interview, there would only be one person in the team - me. And to wait for a call from the agency.

I obviously saw that this new department was made for people like me. And that the collaboration this company has with the agency made them the black goat for people like me. And the job training I'm about to have is a simple case of charity. Despite all that and the insecurity I feel about being in RnD; I truly am thankful. Although at times before this I hate taking charity from others and be the case of their sympathy, this time, I'm relieved.

Alhamdulillah...

If you ask...

I am a responsible person who thrives on team work and self development.

Life is a never ending educational process; and I am eager to learn.



I may not have experience worth mentioning, but I am sure that I can handle pressure confidently while maintaining poise and good communication skills.

Another tag in the facebook

Ok..so I don't normally get tagged in facebook's notes..but whenever I do, this would be the medium to which I reply..RiRi, this is for you..here goes...

"ABC about You"

A - AVAILABLE : indefinitely

B - BIRTHDAY : haha...its enuff dat only you and I know..

C - CRUSHING ON : wait..crush as in developing interest or smash things up??

D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD : minerals on tap

E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO : me, myself and I...she always agrees with me

F - FAVORITE SONG AT THE MOMENT : You Lost Me, Xtina Aguilera

H - HOMETOWN : dimana bumi dipijak, disitu langit dijunjung..

I - IN LOVE WITH : the fact that I'm jobless

J - JUGGLE : I am..between being jobless and a failed home maker

K - KILLED SOMEONE :affirmative..but not human..

L - LONGEST CAR RIDE : malacca - kedah..to and fro

M - MILKSHAKE FLAVOR : banana strawberry..can be found at KFC

N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS : 4

O - ONE WISH : to be less miserable than I am rite now

P - PERSON YOU CALLED LAST : mama..to tell bout adik's unfortunate accident

R- REASON TO SMILE : being happy..seing silly things..what so ever that gets the job done

S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD : unusual??britney??

T - TIME YOU WOKE UP : 9.30 am

U - UTENSILS USED TO EAT NOODLES : ranging from chopsticks, fork and fingers

V - VEGETABLE : what about it?

W - WORST HABIT : deep vengeful emotions towards people

X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD MOST RECENTLY : most recent would be 4 yrs ago..my ankle

Y - YOYOS ARE : a bouncy effect..from A to B back forth..

Z - ZODIAC SIGN : pisces

RANDOM QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU:-

Your favorite number/s : 800

What color do you wear most : green and purple

Most favorite color : green and purple

What are you listening to : roaring processor

Are you happy with your life right now : on a literal note; eh~eh

What is your favorite class in school : English

Who is/are your best friend/s : the people I keep in my life

Are you outgoing : depends on the circumstances

Favorite pair of shoes : flip-flops

Can you dance : depends in interpretation

Can you tie a cherry stem with your mouth : not yet ventured

Can you whistle : partially

Cross your eyes : crossing...

Walk with your toes curled : 800 kilos ago

DO YOU BELIEVE IN...

Do you believe in life in other planets : as what stated in the holy Quran

Do you believe in miracles : i do...

Do you believe in magic : hand tricks??yeah..

Love at first sight : been there..done that..

Do you believe in Santa : the one that never gives presents??only in tales...

Do you know how to swim: froggy style..

Do you like roller coasters : in the uttermost likings

Do you think you could handle the stuff they eat on those reality shows : handle..as in pick up and discard kind of way??totally...

Have you ever been on a plane : i did..but it didn't fly...

Have you ever asked someone out : on countless occasions..

Have you ever been to the ocean : i even drowned..

Have you ever painted your nails? : experimentally

THE WHAT'S:-

What is the temperature outside? : slightly lower than room temp..

What radio station do you listen to: my babble fm

What was the last restaurant you ate at: mango chilli

What was the last thing you bought : pasembor kat hospital sg buloh..

What was the last thing on TV you watched : saka jentayu

THE WHO'S :-

Who was the last person you IM'd : owh..nana??

Who was the last person you took a picture of : certainly not me..

Who was the last person you said I love you to : mamito

CRYING SECTION:

Ever really cried your heart out : guess so..

Ever cried yourself to sleep : all babies do it..duh!

Ever cried on your friend's shoulder : not to my remembrance

Do you cry when you get an injury : only when there's no hope of the pain going away..l

HAPPY SECTION:-

Are you a happy person?: negative

LOOK AT ME:-

What is your current hair color: black with a tint of hitam and a brown glow..

CURRENTLY WEARING:-

What shirt are you wearing : a shirt!

Pants : is this a question??

Shoes : born in suit

Necklaces : absent

IN A BOY/GIRL:-

Favorite eye color: something that sparks in mine

Short or long hair : nothing female-ish

Height : totally higher than me

HAVE YOU EVER:-

Been to jail: as a visitor..

Mooned someone: mooned???

Thought about suicide : numerous times

Laughed so hard you cried : inevitable

Cried in school : it was school!whadya think?!

Thrown up in a store : only outside one..

Wanted to be a model : always,always,always...

Seen a dead body : many of 'em

Been on drugs : legally prescribed

Gone skinny dipping : never heard of it..

THIS OR THAT:-

Pepsi or Coke : neither

McDonald's or Burger King: parappapara..I'm luvin it..

Single or Group Dates: group...there's so many activities could be done..

Chocolate or Vanilla : 70% cocoa

Strawberries or Blueberries: erk..depends

Meat or Veggies: my fangs cry out for 'em..

TV or Movie : couch potato

Guitar or Drums : the lead singer..

Adidas or Nike: barefoot..

Not feeling it..

These days tensions are running high. I just started a 40 days programming course, my schedule is hectic, everyone is sour-faced and to top them all up; my convo is round the corner. I really am just exhausted!

->On Monday, I registered for the course which is a 30 mins drive + 45 mins on the trains - taken separately - + 5 mins bus ride and another 5 on foot.
->Tuesday; I went to Malacca to register for my convo in the heat. Plus a 50 mins train ride back home with 30 mins foot back to mama's office.
->Wednesday was just the same; except for the fact that I had to go to dinner in my pajamas. Cool.
->Thursday will be even better! After all the journey and class and presentation, Nana and I will be going back to sweat state of Malacca. Can't wait!
->I'll go to a convo briefing on Friday and maybe a little photo shoot. Dang it! This will be yet another spoiler by me when I interfere with Nana's date. Really don't like it.
->Hopefully get to laze around mopingly on Saturday because..
->Sunday is convo day.

Lets wish that nothing else puts my mood on a ball..

The cat's maternal instinct touched me

Today, was just another day in the house... Chores, tv, meal repeated throughout the day. As I was minding my own business; making trips to the kitchen from the living room, I heard a weird noise. It was just past sunset and I was all alone at home. No one has come back from work yet.

At first, I tried to ignore it. But as it grew louder, something hit me. The cats!!! I haven't fed them all day! That was when I rushed upstairs and feed the cats while apologizing for being super late.

As sat there, watching the poor creatures eat, I can't help but feeling overwhelmed. Adik has been keeping Didi since I went back to Malacca for my fourth year. And I've been babysitting her and Dido numerous times during semester break. There were days when Adik forgot to feed her precious and sometimes they were left home with little food when we went for journeys. Never had I heard them cry for food out of hunger. Today was the first time she had done so. This is only because of her young kittens.

I was so touched to see the cat's maternal instinct. If an animal could care so much for their offspring, why can't a human?

Ohh! What a windy night...

Tonight, the wind is blowing hard.
Almost as if it wanted to put something down.
Almost as if it‘s making a riot.
Almost as if it’s rebelling.

Like a little child being held captive
Kept away from what it really wants
The wind throws a wild tantrum
Scattering anything that comes in its way

Somehow tonight,
it feels as if I had something to do with all this
Somehow it feels like the wind’s madness is caused by me

Does it really have something to do with me?
Is the wind angry that I am leaving?
Is that why it caused this chaos?
Because somehow tonight I feel that this is the reason

The wind has now slowly made its peace
Like a little child being set to ease
Quietened by the soft console of his mother

With a little stint of relieve
So distant, you can barely hear it
The wind whispers a sound of tolerance
As if it understood my words of comfort

"Dear wind, do not fret
I am not leaving for good
I am merely transcending to another place
For I have no worth to this land anymore

Do not be sad that I am gone
For we can always stay in touch
You would always find me wherever you go
Although we cannot always meet in eyes
We could always make a date in our cores
And I will always feel you no matter where I go."

Now all I have to do is wait for the rain…

brain saturation..

have you ever felt being in the midst of brain saturation??

Well, i have. Or at least that's what i thought. Maybe it's just my mind blocking away all incoming facts that are labeled as unnecessary or stressing..

What ever the reason is, i sure hope it ends soon. It's hard to study when your brain won't take in anything. What's worse is when it decides to fail in the exam hall, like what i experienced this morning and all the other exams. Even the smallest thing can get you confuse even though you're very familiar with it.. Complete utter bs.

i have every possible notes i need for tomorrow's paper. For what ever reason, i refuse to read them. Correction; my brain won't process what ever it is i try to read.. buggah!!

Better force myself now.. At least i can say i've tried..

when people manage you...

This morning a robbery happened right in the university’s building. Here in the girls’ hostel. The gruesome thief took almost everything that he can and didn’t even have compassion for these students. A total of six final year students were ripped of their most precious belongings. Among the items stolen were cellphones, wallets and laptops – the very core of a student’s living. The incident happened around 2 a.m. to 5 a.m. When the house residents became aware of the situation, they immediately went downstairs to the fellow’s house to make a report. However the student’s were sent back broke and disappointed. The officer suggested them to file a report only after working hours have started since he was resting at the moment. When the matter was taken to varsity’s management, they were blamed for their own negligence.


This incident reminded me of my own episode a couple years back when I first started attending this uni. Although the case was different and the faulty was completely mine, hostel management sure did have their fair share. I brought my mom’s beloved cooker to the hostel unaware of its prohibited status. Living in the hostel, we surely had to follow rules and regulations. One of them; which is not to bring high power consuming electrical goods. Long story short, it was finally confiscated. Being that it had great sentimental value to my mom, I pleaded for it to be returned. At first, I was given an hour long lecture about rules and regulations and how it was not supposed to be returned back after confiscated. Then, I was told to write a plea letter stating my apologies and regrets. When I finally send my letter, the supposed officer was on vacation and I was told to send it again a couple days later. Came a few days, that person was still not around so I left it with her assistant. When I came to check back on my letter, the officer claimed to never receive it and that I had to resend my letter. Not a few weeks later, a notice was posted. It was about the release of confiscated items. Since I was so busy that week, I had no other choice but to wait the coming week to settle this matter. But to my disappointment, they already disposed it. I remembered talking to the management about the notice but they claimed to have never posted it. If only I’d ripped one of the post and shoved it to their face…

I may be a little late

but deary kokak,

being that you are old, and life-less, and partner-less..
and that you are such a workaholic that you shove every possible partner away,

know that we all love and adore you..
more than you could possibly tell...

a year ago I wrote a poem to commemorate your day
but now i just want to say
HAVE IT BEEN A MINUTE TOO LATE OR TOO SOON, IT WON'T BE YOU..
happy belated..

Abang

26 years ago
you came to this world
bringing joy, hope and strength
to the family..

Even after all those years, you still do..

Thank you for having been born..

Do know that we love you

today actually meant something..

Today I write again after so long…

Last Saturday, the girls and I talked about making a birthday special when you have no resources. Monday is going to be Iff’s fiancé’s birthday. She has no money and he won’t let her spend a cent. I tried to explain to her that it could still be special and it’s her duty to make it so since he gave her a mind blower last march. My reason was that it would only be fair to make it more than ordinary. Well let me just put it that she thinks all of them would be impossible given her circumstances. Yeah right… nak seribu daya, tak nak seribu dalih… that is just the way I see it. But it’s not right for me to judge. It’s also almost 3 weeks since my last encounter with the net. Let just put it this way: I AM GOING CRAZY AND WOULD LIKE TO KILL MYSELF. It’s tensed!! I miss my Facebook account so much. I just hope this would end soon. Looking at the Chinese girls go online makes me so mad.

Well anyways, on the way to dinner something flashed my mind. I even murmured something like, “So it’s this Monday huh…”

N already went “what’s with this Monday? Why?”

I tried to be cool and dumb by saying “Oh? Nothing. It’s her fiancé’s birthday right? Just that.”

“it’s her fiancé. She’s the one that should remember it, not you. Right Iff?”

“oh nothing.”

How dumb. Trying to cover up something so obvious. Thank goodness nobody noticed or cared. Not even Iff despite me telling her the fact every other day. I didn’t know whether to be relieved or sad. Either way it’s good. At least they didn’t have to feel sorry for pathetic me reminiscing old days. That I tried to hide the sob that came up a split second on the way to dinner. A regret that I didn’t have the chance to celebrate papa’s day the proper way.

Since he left I never remembered his day properly. It’s always a week before or after or half way through the day. Somehow I felt sad that people around me are going to be happy on the day that makes me sad. In the end I tend to forget. I always feel guilty that I cannot make up to all the wrong I’ve done. I know that people always say that my siblings and I are way too selfish to even care. Maybe they just neglect the fact that sometimes it’s hard to be the more sensible one. Maybe it’s just too painful to go through. I guess somehow all four of us are still weak and immature in a way that others can’t see. Justifying our actions and emotions would be a waste of time. Like anyone cares!

There is never a that passes by I don’t think of you… happy supposedly 51 papa. I know you love me. We all do.

happy belated birthday to me (part 2: this year...)

I am a freaking weirdo.. That is a fact. Any one my age would probably go and get drunk on their bdays. Maybe not on alcohol, but they'll definitely got hung over life. Me?? I didn't even feel anything.. Not a single emotion on that supposedly happy day. Y????

Kokak wanted to buy cake, kodek wished like a gazillion times, mama even tried to make it special.. What was my responce?? Whatever!! Totally insensitive. Sorry..

I am very SORRY.. I just didn't feel like it.. Even more with the fact that mama said it was my bday starting from monday.. Even more with the fact that I was so busy.. Even more with the fact that I got old..

If I really put a thought on it, I'd probably feel like a looser.. And didn't feel like there's anything to celebrate.. I'm a mess..

p/s:- kokak..I still want that cake n a pair of shoes..!!!

happy belated birthday to me (part 1: this was last year...)

feb 6th:-
This is; like so absurd. This may be the most absurd time of my life. The peak of adrenaline rush in my whole living period of time. It’s only the sixth day of February; but I am all about the 21st. Crazy? Yeah! The 21st of all my 21st. get it? I really don’t know what happened. I used to hate the 21st so much. Each coming every year is agonizing. This day alone brought me so much pain over the years. Reminded me always how old, grumpy and wrinkly I have become. All the deeds – good or bad – I have gathered in my storage has only gotten bigger.
I guess those reasons are only cover ups to what really kept hidden inside. I probably should not write this on any form of media. Still, my hands are typing relentlessly on this piece of electronic paper. The outcome would most likely turn out bad if someone laid their eyes on this screen, but still; I feel the need to type reason to hate my own birthday. Many people gasped in shock as they heard this little confession of mine. They could not register the fact that people could actually hate the day they were born. But yes, I did personally hate the 21st. I used to wish that every year in this month, one particular day would skip. But then again, though I wished as hard as I could, it never did happen; it will never happen till the end of time.


feb 23rd:-
What did I think about my whirlwind of a birthday? Well, it’s not exactly whirlwind or anything. But I guess I did end up somewhat sulky and moody. I even managed to lead the whole casa to think that I wanted a special something. At first, I was surprisingly calm and not expecting anything; content with what is. As the day goes by, the mood struck in. The major fact that contributed to this was a headache; a compulsive hit on the head. I became angry and unpleasant. All in all, I got a birthday cake and perfume for the day. It was my favourite Secret Recipes and I really enjoyed it. But still, there is this side of me that feels dissatisfied and empty. As if nothing is good enough. As if they don’t really mean all those celebration. Then again, I’m just being a b***h. I could never be satisfied or even truly happily content. That is just me. I am just a naturally negative person; and that is one leaf hard to turn over.

Kemana HIJRAHku

Lama sungguh laman ini tak dikunjungi.. Terasa kekok pula hendak menaip kata-kata apatah lagi ini entri pertama menggunakan bahasa melayu sepenuhnya.. Lidah kelu untuk berbicara, jemari pula kaku menunggu cetusan idea.. Ok dah.. Cam tulis karangan BM lak..



Mmg dah lama sangat.. Bukan sebab xde cerita. Mungkin diri ini lebih selesa mengalami semuanya dan kekok bercerita.. Atau mungkin mmg xreti nak karang ayat.



Sedar x sedar hari ni dah pun mula tahun baru. Tahun baru ni mula dgn kebanggaan M'sia bila bola sepak dpt emas utk sukan SEA. Siyes mmg x suka sukan lagi2 bola..tp tadi tgk jela sebab smua pun siar bola. Trsuntik satu prasaan bangga bila M'sia menang..mmg sgt gumbira..smpai Hanim yg tengah baca majalah pun ikut sorak sama..



Taip je nama Hanim teringat kena tinggal kat umah sewa ni.. Besanya dok tinggal ngan Nana. Hanim ada pun malam ni sebab nak teman..klu x dia wajib cabut dulu..klaka sungguh. Pasal nk balik cuti pun nak dilema. Nak balik ke idak?? Pastu x pasal2 sedih.. Mula2 dok fikir org ni, org tu..sapa kna tinggal sorg2..kesianla.. Tup2 sndri kena tinggal.. Bukan salah sapa pun. Salah sndri sebab xleh nak buat keputusan.. Smua nk tunggu org lain..tengok dulu apa nak jadi.. Bila smua xikut apa yg dharap, mula lah nak sedih.. Bukan pasal hal ni je..smua benda pun camni gak.. Xtaula bila nk ubah..tah bila nak hijrah..



Esk stat la hari aru dalam tahun yang baru.. Bila tgk2 xde pn yg prasan hal ni.. Sibukkn bola punya hal.. Aku pn lebih kurang je.. Walaupn x kisah pasal bola, tp aku tetap x kisah pasal tahun baru ni..

Azam tahun ni.. nk kurangkn dengki dan tak puas hati ngan org lain.. insya allah..

Mr Right

There you were
as I remembered
Strong, steady, confident
with a smile

Who could see
that you'd look at me
Straight, sincere from your heart
and not your eyes

I can't believe I would say
that I just want you to stay
Not moving an inch from where you are
in my life

I can't believe I'll admit
what you really are to me
A warmth inside my heart
can't be denied
Cause you are my right

Put up a front with you
That's something I cannot do
No matter how I might
or ever how I tried

Nobody understands
not even my so called friends
So I just wish upon a star
that we won't break apart..

KOKKITOs belated

Never at home, your life's a mess
Never at rest, you want to neglect
Always on the run
your life's so hectic
sometimes I wish you would just stop

Trying so hard to just impress
Striving to show you're one of the best
To the point that you start to
go the other way

So I know
You're running in the fast lane of the quarter life
And I get it
if you start wanting to die
Nothing goes your way
You stuck and stumble
when you try to stay steady state
I just hate you this way...

Sometimes you get so dysfunctional
When you are stressed
you tend to shut it
Don't get me wrong, I love you
but there's ought to be another way...

Nobody's judging you, my love
Believe me when I say
we all just want you to be
the person you are to be
Confident, happy
couldn't care less bout the rest
and contented...

this is not something that I like to publish regularly..

But this being the start of a senior year, makes me want to write a piece of my mind. Maybe it's just me, but I have always had this negative side that is almost impossible to kick-out. And to kokak please don't even start to think anything to say.

facts will be facts.. They are all scared of me and they definitely have a thing against me. Yes.. They are all digusted with the hideous, fat me. But its not all their fault alone. I contributed to this problem too. My ways of not smiling, constantly sarcastic and harsh did not make it easier for them. How can I blame them. I really can't though I want to.

I admit the fact that if this was to be looked at closely, it is my fault. What can I do?? I'm not like other people. I wasn't raised to have flirty body language, soft silken voice and graceful attitude.. But I am also eve; just like them.

I am everything they are but extremely different in so many ways. Maybe what they say is right. people will see on us what we saw on them..

So, I was tagged in Facebook... And I want to tag KOKAK and Putri here..

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 100 Truths about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. Last beverage: minerals on tap
2. Last phone call: PSJ
3. Last text message: kodek
4. Last song you listened to: wonderpets teamwork
5. Last time you cried: sometime last week

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice: i date my frens gazillion times
7. Been cheated on: probably dozen times
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: not yet
9. Lost someone special: quite some time ago
10. Been depressed: duhh! I'm a student
11. Been drunk and threw up: drunk on life

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLOURS:
12. green
13. purple
14. grey

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2009)
15. Made a new friend: lots
16. Fallen in of love: not to date
17. Laughed until you cried: none amuse me that much
18. Met someone who changed you: not yet
19. Found out who your true friends were: still in progress
20. Found out someone was talking about you: not this year
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: haven't tried that
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: all minus one
23. How many kids do you want?: 4 n downwards
24. Do you have any pets: only my sister's..
25. Do you want to change your name: pichosso???
26. What did you do for your last birthday: plotting revenge with a cake on my hand..kidding
27. What time did you wake up today: 0800
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: pet society....
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: everything...i hate waiting
30. Last time you saw your Mother: sunday 0900
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: nak jadi alim...cam bib
32. What are you listening to right now : d crancky fan
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: i thought i have
35. Most visited webpage: questionablecontent.net
36. Whats your real name: d same one posted on my profile
37. Nicknames: i only reply to naim
38. Relationship Status: daughter,student,fren
39. Zodiac sign: pisces
40. Male or female?: if i were a dear, i would be a doe
41. Primary School?: Sekolah Kebangsaan Sentul 1
42. Secondary School?: SMK Batu Muda, SMK Desa Tun Hussein Onn
43. High school/college?: Kedah Matriculation College
44. Hair colour: black with a hint of hitam..soon to be..
45. Long or short: is this question refers to my hair?
46. Height: not qualified for nba
47. Do you have a crush on someone?: none i can think of
48: What do you like about yourself?: i am fat
49. Piercings: ears..homemade
50. Tattoos: nothing that last long
51. Righty or lefty: right oriented

FIRSTS :
52. First surgery: when i was 5...jatuh gaung...true story
53. First piercing: time baby
54. First best friend: my sisters
55. First sport you joined: sukaneka time tabika...hehe
56. First vacation: famiily day in frasers hill..where i fell
58. First pair of trainers: pasar mlm

RIGHT NOW
59. Eating: just finished a bag of chips
60. Drinking: about to
61. I'm about to: drink menerals on tap
62. Listening to: crancky kipas
63. Waiting on: bed time

YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids?: guess so
65. Get Married?: if anyone wants me
66. Career?: business maybe

WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes: my peeps
68. Hugs or kisses: beary hugs
69. Shorter or taller: i like tall..cannot reach
70. Older or Younger: matured not senior
71. Romantic or spontaneous: definitely not heart attack spontaneous
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: not flabby arms
73. Sensitive or loud: respect other's needs
74. Hook-up or relationship: steady state relation
75. Trouble maker or hesitant: can't decide..both are bad

HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger: akak faci yg islamic tu
77. Drank hard liquor: ALLAH forbid
78. Lost glasses/contacts: i have eagle eyes
79. Sex on first date: ALLAH forbid
80. Broken someone's heart: not the opposite attract kind of way
82. Been arrested: not by the authority
83. Turned someone down: none that i can think of
84. Cried when someone died: almost all the time
85. Fallen for a friend?: is it even permitted??

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself: not all the time
87. Miracles: only the ones made by ALLAH
88. Love at first sight: been there..done that
89. Heaven: absolutely
90. Santa Claus: ridiculous
91. Kiss on the first date: only when done by others
92. Angels: definitely yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time?: how can someone have only 1 fren?
95. Did you sing today?: sadly no
96. Ever cheated on somebody?: on principles basis
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go? : as far as i could stretch
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be?: day b4 raya
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: dying to..but no luck
100. Posting this as 100 truths?: no human can be 100%..there aren't even 100 questions here